Jughead acquires a painting by Picasso, but he cuts off the signature so that the canvas will fit in the frame.; Since Archie and Jughead are broke they take advantage of free admission at the museum, where they become fascinated by archaeological treasures. They join Professor Flutesnoot for a dig at the city park, and become acclaimed for discovering dinosaur bones.; Archie attends an auction at Mr. Lodge's house. Assuming he's bidding on a model airplane, Archie bids in dollars and cents. Assuming that Archie's bidding in millions, the auctioneer sells him Mr. Lodge's private jet.; For a change of pace, the gang decides to try alternatives to the Chocklit Shoppe. But it turns out that Pop Tate is the only one who'll have them.; Jughead longs to make friends with the new girl, whose uncle owns a sausage factory. His efforts to share her detention only bear fruit once she's released.; Reggie switches locker padlocks to torment Jughead, but Jughead gets the better of him.; Jughead spouts off about how girls are nothing but trouble, even as a whole string of them does him favors just out of friendliness. Midge's favor gets him in trouble with Moose, confirming him in his original complaint.; Reggie uses his rollerblading skills to harass his friends. Jughead tricks him into annoying Moose, who ends the problem.; Everyone assumes Jughead is snapping embarrassing pictures for the school newspaper. In reality he's documenting neglected maintenance needs, which leads to the school board finally funding the work.; Despite careful instructions to steer him in the right direction, Jughead still turns his school video project into a long celebration of food.; Jughead and Archie con Reggie into spading Jughead's lawn, but Reggie finds artifacts and makes money on the deal.; Reggie snidely takes notes on how to be as clumsy and ineffectual as Archie is, but winds up making a spectacle of himself.; Reggie scorns Jughead for bothering to pick up small coins, but follows suit when Jughead reaps rewards.; Mrs. Jones insists that Jughead learn etiquette. He thrills the girls until reverting to his old self in the cafeteria line.; Mr. Lodge hires Jughead to cater a party, but Archie burns the hors d'oeuvres. Smoke-blinded guests stumble into the pool and delightedly assume that Mr. Lodge has planned things this way.; Mr. Phillip exhibits a costly sculpture at Riverdale High School, where it is soon stolen. Learning that the sculpture is well-insured, Archie proves that Mr. Phillip stole his own work of art for the money.; Jughead begins rhyming his sentences, and the rest of the gang can't help doing the same.; Betty is so disturbed by having a romantic dream about Jughead that she avoids him, thinking he pursues her when he's only trying to deliver a message from Archie.; Reggie tries to stump Jughead with music trivia, but Jughead wins by a bluff.; Jughead entertains hospital-bound kids with stage magic. He's terrible at it, but they like him anyway.; Jughead reads stories to his little sister, but they all turn into stories about food.; Jughead and Archie wash out at various forms of community service, only to succeed as clowns.; Trying to make a fool of Jughead, Veronica tells him that he should collect gum wrappers to help orphans. Jughead does the job so enthusiastically that crowds rally to his support, and thousands of orphans are helped.; Jughead scoffs at spring, so Mother Nature imbues him with love for all, which leads to trouble when he encounters Midge.; Mr. Weatherbee's safety poster contest becomes disastrous for all concerned.; Mrs. Andrews urges Jughead and Archie to stop playing video games and spend some time outside. They go with Dilton, who introduces them to his experimental virtual-reality football game.; Jughead tries to drum up publicity for the school, but it backfires when the reporter/photographer starts looking for embarrassing pictures. Jughead, Mr. Weatherbee, and the school mascot team up to drive the man away.; Jughead and Archie compete to see who has the worst hiccups.; Jughead paints a fisherman. The fisherman's boat springs a leak, so Jughead paints him a life preserver.; Jughead and Pop Tate bicker over the quality of Pop's pies.; Jughead and Hot Dog compete for nap space on the couch.; Rather than running an errand, lazy Jughead will walk.; Archie can't decide what to do with a $10 windfall. Jughead suggests buying hamburgers.; Jughead asks for a doggie bag, and pulls a gag on the waiter.; Mrs. Jones warns Archie that her husband and son will eat most of the dinner.; Ethel thinks it's romantic when Jughead lowers the lights, but actually he just doesn't want to look at her.; Jughead is watching a TV show that is so bad that even the laugh track doesn't laugh.; Mr. Lodge's petty cash box is a walk-in vault.