When Matt and Mary don't show up for court the Teen Scene Investigators discover they have been kidnapped.; Archie and Veronica fail the class assignment to present a book report on a book they read.; Archie finds a lost parrot but has trouble tracking down the owner.; Cricket's nose for money discovers that the rubies on display at the museum are fakes.; The Archies try to find a better way to haul their equipment to gigs.; Maria accuses Frankie of not being romantic so he digs up a time capsule he buried years earlier.; The only costume available for Betty is a hamburger costume.; Archie and Chuck are teasing the girls about their athletic endeavors, so Coach Clayton decides to teach them a lesson in manners.; Betty offers to write a speech for class President Archie, but Reggie swipes the speech and delivers it himself.; Dilton goes to Reggie and Archie for advice on how to meet the new girl in school.; Fred makes Archie's band sound-proof the garage so they don't bother their neighbor.; Every time Archie offers to help bad things happen.; Reggie tells Archie about a dream he had where Moose allowed him to date Midge.; A strong wind blows Archie's essay away, but in spite everyone's efforts to capture it, it still ends up on Miss Grundy's desk.; Archie tries to make a piece of furniture for Veronica.; Archie tricks Moose into thinking that the robot he built can talk.; Jughead is reading an article about accident-prone people, like Archie.; Archie and Eugene give Moose a fake lucky charm to boost his confidence before a big test.; Eugene creates a leaf vacuum so the boys can make some money raking leaves for people in the neighborhood.; Archie is entranced by a mysterious letter and Betty and Veronica assume it's another girl.; Reggie says he's going to figure out which is smaller, Moose's IQ or Archie's allowance.; Archie asks Pop Tate for the check for their table.; Reggie blows out the candles on his cake and gets his wish.; Coach tells Moose to stop making faces while he lifts weights.; Dilton shows off his new computer.; Reggie doesn't like Veronica's cooking, and neither does his dog.; Veronica is making meatballs for Archie.