Archie's friends convince Mr. Lodge that Archie is heir to a title and a fortune in Scotland. They have wild adventures based on wordplay and metafiction.; Pop Tate's business is drying up in favor of a new pizza parlor. Archie and Jughead convince him to try tossing his own pizzas. He's so bad at it that he's actually funny, so they turn him into a floor show and draw the customers back.; Archie and Veronica decide to go steady, but each independently decides that they're not ready for it. All too soon the girls are quarreling over Archie.; Mr. Andrews is frustrated and annoyed by the way all of Archie's friends make themselves at home in his house. He becomes enthusiastic after he learns how grateful the teens are.; Jughead gets the guys started on a new fad -- bouncing a balloon tethered to a headband. Archie and Reggie each trick out solid balloons to prank the other, and each one ends up injuring himself.; Everyone drives Archie crazy with word play about his conversation.; Jughead's chemical accident blows Archie out the window. Jughead and everyone else think that it changed Archie into a bee.; Archie and the girls all get into trouble for being out past their curfews.; Li'l Jinx golfs a hole in one, right into Daddy's drinking glass.; Li'l Jinx needs first aid. She wails so much her father needs cotton in his ears.; Moose can't take the pressure from a classroom sign reading "think."; Veronica likes British styles, so Archie dresses as a royal Guardsman.; Mr. Flootsnoot uses a dartboard to assign grades.